Dearest gege,
How are you doing? I miss you so much…
In the past three years, I have written to you for countless times but I haven’t received any reply. I don’t know if you’re doing well in Taipei. Are you just too busy so. you don’t have time to write back to me?
It doesn’t matter. I won’t cry or make trouble. I will patiently wait… but you at least need to give me some news soon, okay? Even a phrase— or just a word is fine. Just let me know that you are receiving my letters.
Do you know what it feels like to miss you? It is like tens of thousands of ants are biting on my body. It’s itchy, and painful, but I do not know where to scratch to relieve the itch. I think these ants won’t disappear until the day I see you again.
I didn’t mean to embarrass you in saying these nonsense. I just wanted to let you know that I think about you every day, and I really miss you. Every time I feel like crying, I would shut myself in your room, look at every thing you have used, imagine you are still here by my side— and I will not cry, I swear!
Now, I have become strong and sensible, don’t you want to see how I have matured? Gege, when are you coming back? I promise I won’t argue with you anymore. I won’t make trouble unreasonable again.
As long as you come back, I will listen to you and will never make you angry, alright?
It’s raining again these days. It is so annoying. Why is there so much water in the heavens it seems to never exhaust. My birthday is coming again. Since you left, I refused to receive birthday gifts anymore because I will never forget that on that day… I lost you. Every time I think of that, my heart hurts so much… I can’t breathe.
In a few days, I will turn 18 years old. I hope the skies will be clear on that day. Please, just this once, I hope it won’t rain. And on that day, can you be by my side again?
I believe that as long as I keep praying, God will hear my request one day, right? I will wait patiently— even if it will be next year or the next.
Because you said that as long as the skies clear up, you will come take me to fly kites and catch fishes by the stream, right?
Recently, father’s health has deteriorated. The doctor to asked us to prepare our hearts already. Although father does not say anything, I can see that he also misses you very much. Gege, go home some time, okay?
No matter how late it is, can you see father the last time? You still care, right?
Qing— half a month before her birthday
Several days have past, and like before, her letter still sank into the sea. In the past few years, he never came back.
In the first year, she was still full of expectations that he would just suddenly appear in front of her, take her away and fulfill his promise.
The next tear, she didn’t dare expect too much. But as long as he comes back, it was enough. However, she has repeatedly faced false hopes that’s why in the third year, she dared not to think about anything. Maybe even just a phone call or a letter of reply— she will be more than okay.
Every day, she waits by the mailbox full of expectation— only to be disappointed again and again. She couldn’t help but think, maybe he’s just not getting her letter. But with so many of them, didn’t he get at least one?
Or did her mother forgot to send it for her?
She doesn’t even know which university or department her brother is attending to, not his address or contact information. She does not even know where to go.
She didn’t dare ask her mother, afraid that she would get angry and lose control of her emotions again.
Seeing that her father’s condition is getting worse each day, she just held on because she knew that their father would want to see Hanyu before he passes.
After thinking about it for a few days, she found the courage to steal the key of her mother’s drawer when she went to the hospital to take care of their father. She’s been keeping all her important things locked up in there and true enough, in it she found her brother’s address in Taipei.
She kew that if she sneaks out to find her brother, her mother would be crazy enough to kill her. But she could not take it anymore. She missed her brother so much it hurts.
She felt that if it would go on like this any moment, she would even die before her father. So on her birthday, the heavy rain fell as usual as she desperately fled away from the small town to the city where he is.
Sitting on the northbound train, she was actually very very scared. She is a small town girl who has never travelled far. The city is completely strange to her— but she told herself that as long as she sees him, she doesn’t need to be afraid of anything.
Seeing the train pass from one station after another, the names of the places are becoming more unfamiliar to her. At every stop, she knows that she is farther and farther from home— but at the same time closer and closer to him. And because she misses him so much, she can wait.
But Taipei Main Station is bigger that she thought. There are so many people and the platforms are so chaotic. It is completely different from their Pingtung countryside. She became so dizzy that she had to ask several people for directions but she still took a few wrong bus routes, until she found the place where her brother lives.
She didn’t know if her mother sent him living expenses because she found that the address is an old building. It’s not easy to live in this big city, isn’t it? He has to pay for tuition and other necessities so paying for rent for a good place is hard.
However, she thought now that she’s here, it doesn’t matter. Tianqing already graduated from a high vocational school. In the past three years, she also worked part time and accumulated some work experience. She doesn’t want to study anymore and now she can help her brother earn some money as he studies. She will not cause him any burden when she stays here.
She rang the doorbell but there was no response. Maybe her brother could have gone to class. He has always been a very good student. Waiting for a little more would not hurt.
The annoying rain continued to pour and there seems no sign of it stopping any time soon. She is already soaking all over, shivering of the cold, but still her brother has not arrived.
After three, four… five hours, she can’t remember how long she waited— the sky has already gone dark. She was so cold, she squatted her numb legs down.
Until she saw a familiar yet strange image in her blurred line of sight.
“I said that people nowadays eat well, dress well, pamper their souls, and corrupt their hearts. The ancients taught that they were born in sorrow and died in peace, so at the end of the Ming Dynasty, Wu Sangui betrayed his country for prosperity…” The other guy beside her brother blabbered like reciting a lecture. “Shameless people who have done small things at night, the world is really going down, morals are degraded, self-protection is now, all the etiquette, righteousness and shame are gone…”
“Have you said enough?” Being trapped under the rain for long, Shen Hanyu is already irritable enough and his roommate is still being noisy. Who can stand it? It’s just a lost umbrella? What’s the use of this litany? And it was his umbrella and not his roommate’s. Why is he being so philisophical?
“Xiongtai[1], don’t you know anything about this? As one saying goes, a lead knows the autumn. You can often see big hidden worries from small places. We might have been exposed to the rain, but it still shows that the moral decline of the Chinese people.
“What moral decline?” Talking to him will mount long talks.
“Why? We just went in and bought two instant noodles, and somehow, your umbrella disappeared when we came out. The most shameless thing here is that we are already poor enough. Instead of stealing from the rich, he actually stole from people probably poorer than him. Should I curse him to to fall into a stinky ditch so he can experience worse than us?
Shen Hanyu glanced at him lazily and said, “Before we went out in the morning, did I not remind you to bring an umbrella today? You just said it’s troublesome.” This guy always squeeze himself to share under his umbrella. So whether the umbrella is here or not, he is doomed to get wet. So there is no bother crying over its loss.
“How were you even sure it will rain. Are you a god?” Qi Guangyan, his roommate muttered.
“It’s not that I’m a god. But through experience, I know that it always rains during this day every single year!”
“Why do you pay attention to the weather during this day of the year?” Qi Guangyan glanced at him strangely.
Shen Hanyu was in trance.
Looking at the rain curtain, he measured the distance from the shed they’ve been standing to the building of their house, sighed, and planned to rush across one breath.
He needs a little rain to bring himself back to reality.
“Hey! Shen Hanyu, wait for me!” Qi Guangyan hurried to catch up.
But just less than 100 meters from home, Shen Hanyu suddenly stopped causing Qi Guangyan’s head to almost hit his back.
“Shen Hanyu, what are you doing—” Looking at his line of sight, he blew a loud whistle. “Wow, such a beautiful lady. No wonder you are stunned in place—”
The next moment, Qi Guangyan’s beauty rushed towards them in a very fast speed and hugged his roommate.
“Ge…”
The soaked Shen Hanyu has gone blank.
“Wow, Shen Hanyu! You are so boring. You have such a sweet and lovely sister, but you have not mentioned her ever since. If I had known, I would have not bothered looking for other flowers, I could just go straight to your hometown to make an appointment…”
Shen Hanyu stared at his sister whom he had not seen for three years. He did not expect that she would pack and impulsively rushed to the north to look for him.
Now, she has been sitting in his apartment. After giving her clean clothes to change into, she is slowly wiping her wet long hair. He still can’t believe that she is now by his side!
He has not seen her for three years and she has changed a lot. When he left, she had just graduated from junior high school. Like most students in that age, her hair back then was still short and has not even reached her shoulders yet. But now, it has grown beautifully long.
The sweet apple-shaped face in his memory has become more delicate, which has a somewhat ethereal and elegant beauty with a feminine charm. She has changed a lot, only those big eyes remain the same— that when she stares at him, it’s as if he is the only one left in this world.
The was a sharp throb in his chest. He closed his eyes not letting his thoughts wander off. He was the one who left her in the first place so he could not allow her to have any false ideas.
“Hey, haven’t you guys seen each other for a long time? There should be a lot of things to talk about, right? Shen Hanyu, would you like to say something? Or… Shen xiaomei[2]…” He felt that the atmosphere is a strangely quiet, it’s weird.
“My name is Shen Tianqing.” She told him gently.
“You should have said earlier. I am always happy to remember the names of beautiful women ‘till the seas dried up and the rocks become rotten[3].”
Shen Tianqing was amused by his exaggerated words. “Ge, your classmate is very interesting.”
“It is my honor to be praised by a beauty.” Qi Guangyan even kneeled dramatically, pulled the back of Qing’s hand to kiss. “Hello, beautiful lady, my name is Qi—”
Before he can even finish his sentence, the back of her hand was blocked. Shen Hanyu pulled his little sister’s hand preventing this lecherous demon from tainting it.
“Stay away from my sister.” He warned coldly, explained, “He studies law while I study medicine. We are not classmates.” It’s too shameful to have such a classmate reeking with hormones.
He can’t wait to get away 18,000 miles from here.
“Then, how do you know each other?”
“This shameless guy has no money to buy for lunch, he became a bandit and robbed me of my bread.”
“Hey, hey! It’s been eight hundred years ago since then. Why are you still talking about it? Besides, you actually appreciate my informality, don’t you? Otherwise, why didn’t you make it a big deal at that time?”
“Wrong. I just thought that I’m already very poor, but there are still much less fortunate people than me who can’t even afford bread. I felt pity on you so please don’t be affectionate.”
“Wow. How hurtful. I have always regarded you as a brother. Seems like it’s all in vain.” Qi Guanyan held his heart and pretended to be very delicate.
Seeing these theatrics would really cause anyone indigestion. Shen Hanyu looked away in disdain.
“Then what then?” Shen Tianqing asked with interest.
“Later, he became addicted to me. One day, he said that we are brothers and invited me to live with them. I didn’t know anyone then. But after getting on this thief’s boat by mistake, it was only then that I found out that he could not pay his rent. Can you believe in his shamelessness?”
Qi Guangyan scratched his head and smiled guiltily. I don’t know why either but it’s weird. Every time I want to spend money, I find that there are always a few left in my pocket. This feeling hurts!”
“You were so generous with women, so I didn’t think you really have no money.”
“That’s because the heaven is unfair. I’m congenitally bad in nature and can only think up until the day after tomorrow. It’s not like you Shen-handsome[4], you don’t need to spend a lot effort in women. They are inexhaustible.
Shen Tianqing smiled and turned to her brother. “Is my brother’s relationship with women good?”
Shen Hanyu’s expression stiffened and glared at his roommate uncomfortably. “Congenital my ass. You’re just premature baby!”
“No! No! No!” Qi Guangyan stretched out his index finger and shook it. “You can insult my personality but you can’t insult my body. I can guarantee you that my “function” is very good. You can ask my ex-girlfriends.”
Shen Hanyu’s face immediately sank. “Don’t talk yellow[5] in front of my sister.”
“She’s not a minor anymore. So I can talk about how you brought a woman here and allowed me to listen to “ambiguous voices” all night.”
As soon as these words came out, Shen Hanyu couldn’t be any stiffer. Feeling Qing’s eyes fall on him, he no longer has the courage to look at how she reacted.
“Enough. You know that we have not seen each other for a long time, so can you leave us some room to catch up in private? Your unhealthy yellow wastes just pollute my sister’s ears.”
Qi Guangyan noticed that his roommate was now faintly angry and was very surprised.
Everyone who are acquainted with Shen Hanyu knows how low-key he is. So discreet that you can’t even see when he is angry. Even when he took his lunch inexplicably, he did not react that much. Some people say that he has a good temper.
But based on the keen observation of this “Future Outstanding Lawyer” roommate, he always feels like he doesn’t care about anything at all. Just a stagnant pool of water, living numbly.
Numb? Who are they kidding? Hanyu is only in his twenties. Professors admire him. A lot of women lines up to him. His future is limitless. What reason does he have to make himself lifeless?
Intuition tells Qi Guangyan that this girl occupies a very special part of Hanyu’s life. Because as soon as she appeared, Shen Hanyu obviously came back to life and suddenly had mood swings which he never displayed in all the times they were together.
Thinking he couldn’t understand the strange siblings, he could just shrug, turning away sensibly.
Shen Hanyu watched his roommate leave, when the door closed, warmth enveloped his body, his waist was tightly held. Shen Tianqing buried her face in his stomach, a muffled voice came out, “Ge, I miss you so much.”
He stiffened again. Staring down at the top of her hair, his hand rested on her shoulders. He could not push her away, but also could not hug her.
“You’re already this big but still spoiled.” With a dry voice, he turned around uncomfortable, and distanced himself by taking the hairdryer to give it to her.
“Ge, help me dry my hair.” It was the same as before. Every time she finished washing her, she would run around with a wet her because she was lazy to dry it. But he would always catch her, press her head on his leg to dry her hair for her, afraid that she would catch a cold.
“You are eighteen, not eight. Dry it yourself.”
“It has nothing to do with my age. If it’s you doing it, then it’s all good.”
Her eyes were so focused, he could hardly meet her bright gaze.
“Don’t say something childish. Gege can’t always be by your side. You have to learn to be independent and take care of yourself.”
“Why not? I remember gege saying he will take care of me for the rest of my life.” She stood up and asked after him.
Shen Hanyu opened the window and the drizzle fell on his face— just like the rain in the evening before he left.
“Does mother know that you’re here in Taipei?”
“Why did you leave without saying a word that year?” She asked back.
“I asked first, Shen Tianqing.”
“But I wanted to ask three years ago, Shen Hanyu.”
He wiped the moist on his face. “It was decided the last minute. It was too late to tell you.”
“That’s not the reason. I don’t believe that there was a difference if you tell me a few days later. You’re lying to me, ge, aren’t you?”
“That’s right, Shen Xiao Qing.” He grinned, which made her confuse if he was really telling the truth.
She felt her anger surged up. “Ge!”
“So you still know that I’m your ge.” He said. “Also, I don’t believe that mother will agree for you to come up here and see me.”
Her expression dimmed suddenly. “Ge, is it okay if I stay here with you? I don’t want to go back.”
“Are you kidding me?” He was so frightened by her words and he failed to notice the pain in her expression, that there was something wrong behind her words. “You can see that I don’t live alone. There are two adult boys living here. I t will be very inconvenient for a girl like you to squeeze in here. These boys, when they see a pretty girl, they become animalistic and inhuman. Aren’t you afraid of being taken advantaged off?”
If Qi Guangyan knew that he described him as a flower-picking lewd demon, he would’ve killed him. But he could think of that later, so he must sacrifice the reputation of his roommate temporarily.
“Then we can find another house. I can find a job to help you make money. I won’t cause you burden.” She promised hurriedly.
“Do you think living here in Taipei is so easy? This is not Pingtung. What job can you get after graduating from a vocational school? Just continue to study and don’t mess around.”
“But I want to be with you, ge. Please, let me stay, okay? You don’t know but in these three years, I—”
“I know that leaving without a word three years ago caused you a lot of grievances. But we cannot do all the things that we want. If you stay here, what will happen to father? What about mother? Who will take care of them? We can’t just think of ourselves here.”
“But… I—” I can’t go back. That family can’t accommodate me anymore, don’t you know?
But Shen Hanyu did not give her a chance to complete these words.
“Don’t be capricious. Gege’s situation here is also very difficult. You can be sensible, right?” He rubbed his eyebrows, looking very tired.
So what he meant was… she is bothering him?
Is that why he left without saying goodbye that year?
She is a big burden he could not carry, isn’t it?
There is nothing more to say. It could not be helped. He will only blame himself if something happens, and that is something she does not want to see.
Qing bit her lip and swallowed her sobs.
Shen Hanyu saw this and his heart ached. He stepped forward and held her in his arms. “I’m sorry, Qing.”
“Is there really nothing we can do? Ge, I really do not want to be separated from you—” She choked up, crying bitterly.
“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. Qing, consider taking care of our parents as helping your gege, okay?”
Helping… gege.
She sniffed, raised her head, wiped her tears, and nodded bravely. “Okay, I will help gege.”
He told her that she should listen to her brother. If he says no, then there is nothing that she can do. If there was a way, he would’ve not deliberately abandoned her, right? So she should also be considerate of him.
“Qing—” Her expression made him heartbroken, his feelings unbearable. For a moment, he almost lost his mind and asked her to stay—
“It’s okay. I’ll just wait for you, ge.” She said before he can even speak, she smiled very gently.
Shen Hanyu was shocked. Like a poisonous snake has bitten him, he backed away in panic.
“Ge?”
Then there was a knock on the door. This caused Hanyu to hit the corner of the table. Qi Guangyan poked his head in. “Have you finished catching up? I’m hungry.” The he noticed Hanyu’s expression. “Shen Hanyu, what are you so nervous about? You looked like a thief caught red-handed.”
He pressed his chest and exhaled softly. “You are scary, who wouldn’t be terrified?”
“You haven’t done anything wrong, have you? So what are you scared of?” If Guangyan did not know that they were siblings, he would think that they are doing something.
“Don’t talk nonsense.” He looked at his sister. “Qing, are you hungry?”
“I’m okay.” She said. But the truth is, she has not eaten anything since she got on the first train this morning. She just wanted to see her gege and did not feel any hunger at all.
Shen Hanyu walked out of the bedroom and opened the refrigerator to find something to eat.
“No need to look. Did you forget that where we have been because we had nothing to ear? In order to buy a couple of instant noodle bowls, your umbrella was stolen.” Qi Guangyan reminded him coolly.
It’s the end of the month, and poor students can only tighten their belts and live with instant noodles.
But how can Hanyu let his sister eat instant noodles? He did not say anything and picked up the key on the counter. “Lend me your motorcycle.”
“No, ge. It’s raining outside. I will just eat instant noodles with you.” Qing said.
But he pretended not to hear anything and walked straight to the door.
“If you buy it, I won’t eat it either.”
Shen Hanyu stopped his pace, turned around and glared at her.
“I’m serious. When you comeback, I’m already full.” She motioned at the instant noodles.
Shen Hanyu stared at her for a few seconds. Then he surrendered, threw the key back and took out the instant noodles. He helped her pour the seasonings, poured the hot water, and dropped the only egg left in their apartment.
“Then what about me?” Qi Guangyan blinked his eyes looked at his roommate full of expectations.
Shen Hanyu didn’t pay him any mind but threw the unopened instant noodles to him. “Soak it yourself.”
“Is is so difficult to pour water in mine, too?” He muttered but resigned himself to unpacking.
Shen Hanyu was too lazy to pay any attention to him and walked out of the balcony.
“Ge, are you not eating?”
“You eat first. I’m not hungry yet.” He said as he lit a cigarette and took a few puffs.
Shen Tianqing frowned. “Ge, when did you learn to smoke?”
Qi Guangyan enthusiastically interjected: “The cigarette is mine. He very rarely—”
“Can you just shut up and eat your instant noodles quietly?” Shen Hanyu glared at him unhappily.
Qi Guangyan pouted his lips kept quiet.
Who knows what medicine he took today? He was such in a bad mood. Shouldn’t he be happy that he was able to meet his sister? Why does it seem like it is the other way around? Is it because of the gloomy weather? Even people’s emotions are affected?
Halfway through the instant noodles, a walkie-talkie sounded. Seeing that Hanyu has not intention of answering it, Qi Guangyan had to put down his chopsticks to get it. He said a few words and opened the door.
Suddenly, he looked at Shen Hanyu with a flattering expression. “Xiao Shenshen, aren’t we good friends? And good buddies share blessings and difficulties, right?”
Shen Hanyu twisted the cigarette butt and pushed away his roommate with a look of disgust. “What do you want me to calculate again?”
“What? No? It’s your beautiful girl. She’s coming.”
“Xinping[6]? The why do you have that fawning face then?”
But his doubts were immediately answered. As soon as the doorbell rang, Qi Guangyan rushed to open the door. This is his speed when chasing beauties, but he clearly knew that this girl should not be on his list.
“I knew you guys are eating instant noodles. You two big boys, you always abuse your stomach every end of the month.” The woman said with a soft feminine voice as she raised the plastic bag in her hand towards the man on the balcony.
“Good thing I always have a good foresight. I bought some Lo Mei[7]. Come and eat it while it’s hot!”
Hanyu frowned and didn’t move. “I said, you don’t need to do this.”
The woman named Liu Xinping gave a slightly stiff smile, but soon curled her lips and laughed. “Well, it’s not troublesome.”
Although Shen Hanyu knew clearly that she came from too far. But he didn’t expose her. Rejection will only make her more embarrassed. He didn’t say anything more and walked back inside and helped prepare the food. He looked up and saw Qi Guangyan’s greedy face and said. “Why are you looking at me? It’s not me who paid for it. Go and ask Xinping.”
He did not pay for it, but it was for him. This is something Qi Guangyan knew too well.
“My dear Xiao Pingping, You should know that saying that people should take not only their relatives as relatives, but also their children as their children[8]. Although I am not your immediate senior, I also need your care.”
Liu Xinping blushed. “I did not say you’re not allowed to eat.”
“Long live!” Qi Guanyan rushed to the food. “You are reall an angel sent from heaven!”
This shameless guy!
Deep inside, Shen Hanyu felt ashamed for his roommate who seemed like reincarnated as a hungry ghost. But he put this aside and took a few scoops and handed it to his sister. Eat this instead, Qing.”
“But—” She opened her mouth to say something but her brother had already taken over the instant noodles she had not finished.
Liu Xinping was stunned and looked at them silently.
This was what she wanted deep in his heart, her intention. The way he scoops a bowl of noodles. Such simple and considerate action, but showed off an indescribable warmth and intimacy…
She felt so embarrassed.
“Don’t have a sense of crisis. That’s his meimei.” Qi Guangyan said bluntly.
“Really?” Liu Xinping looked at them alternately. It seem… not.
Shen Tianqing put the bowl down and bowed politely. “Hello. My name is Shen Tianqing. Thank you for taking care of my gege.”
So that’s how it is. Liu Xinping smiled with relief. “Don’t mention it. I have never heard senior mention about a meimei. So, I thought… Anyway, you came to Taipei to see your brother? How long are you going to stay? I am a Taipei native and very familiar with the places around. If you have enough time, I can take you around.”
Shen Tianqing looked at her brother. But he didn’t meet her gaze and remained silent.
She sighed, “I don’t know…”
“Wow. This is a high-class move to please your future sister-in law. You should forge a good relationship even though the one you like is not obedient.” Qi Guangyan praised her and even gave a thumbs up.
Liu Xinping blushed and was too embarrassed to speak.
“Qi Guangyan, are you not afraid of choking to death because of talking too much?” After knowing him for so long, Shen Hanyu for the first time found that his roommate is extremely troublesome.
Shen Tianqing looked at the beautiful shy girl before her, and then looked at her brother beside her. She opened her eyes with a new understanding. So… it turns out it is like this?
She put down her chopsticks and suddenly lost all her appetite.
After eating, she insisted on washing the dishes with the noisy Qi Guangyan in tow.
“Your meimei is very beautiful.”
“…”
“How old is she? Does she have a boyfriend? This type of girl is usually the target of many boys.”
“…”
“Senior[9]! After shouting three times in a row, he finally was pulled out of his reverie.
“What? Say it again. I didn’t hear clearly.” Shen Hanyu extinguished his cigarette and turned to look at her.
Liu Xinping sighed lightly. “You are very restless today.” He accompanied her to talk outside the balcony, but his soul has already travelled far.
“What is it?”
“I just asked if your sister has a boyfriend. Her type is the ideal of many boys.”
“I don’t know.” Really? Many boys will like her type? It has never crossed his mind how popular Qing would be among the opposite sex.
“It seems like her gege is very negligent of her.”
He lit another cigarette and smoked with gloomy expression.
“If you smoke too much, it won’t be good for you health.” She frowned with concern. But he turned a blind eye to it. He puffed the smoke as if wanting to take out all the anxiety out of him.
“Senior…”
“Xinping, do you like me?” He said coldly.
“Ah?” She was dumbfounded, her cheeks quickly turned red. “You… how do you…”
“I see all the good things you did to me. But I don’t dare promise you easily, because I don’t know what I can give you. You are a good girl, and you deserve a better person. And I… this heart of mine is fleeting. I’m not sure if I can commit to you. To be precise, I don’t know if I can commit to anyone. I don’t want to wrong you.” He looked at the rings of smoke around his fingertips and said calmly.
“It’s okay!” She answered quickly, and realized that she sounded too eager.
She lowered her head in shame and said softly, “I am not aggrieved. I like you, so there will be no one else that I will look at. Even if there are better people, my heart can only accommodate you. I know your heart can’t commit yet, but like the wandering wind, I know I’m only destined to chase after you. But even so, I still wanted to try. And even if in the end I wouldn’t be able to keep up to you, I would not complain. Because at least, I did my best.”
A few slanting rain drifted into the balcony, drenching the cigarette. Shen Hanyu squeezed it and threw it at his feet. He turned around and said slowly, “Do you mind if a man who just smoked kiss you?”
Liu Xinping’s eyes widened. He then stretched out his hands and waited patiently for her answer.
And then she made her move. Blushing, she moved closer to him. He folded his arms around and pressed his lips gently.
A faint sound came from behind him. He kew that there were another pair of eyes watching him not far away. And he knew to whom the weight of these gaze belong.
He held her tighter, closed his not just his eyes, but his heart, and did not think of anything else. At this moment, he completely numbed himself.
When Qi Guangyan came around, he noticed Liu Xinping’s shy demeanor, the way the little woman was snuggled beside Shen Hanyu, he understood what happened in his absence.
However, he could not understand how the siblings’ atmosphere also became so strange, he could not point a finger to it. There seems to be a strange and sensitive tension flowing between them.
Later, when Liu Xinping is about to leave, she reluctantly asked, “Would you like to walk with me for a while?”
Qi Guangyan instinctively said, “Aren’t you good? On the first day that his sister arrived, you already robbed her brother. Anyway, you future together will be long —”
Shen Hanyu didn’t wait for him to finish, lightly he said. “I’ll accompany you.”
Huh? Qi Guangyan was dumbfounded.
Shen Tianqing is completely frozen, unable to move.
No wonder. Even though she travelled a distance, he actually hung her aside to be with the love of his life. This gege is really inconsiderate.
“Gege!” She shouted at him.
“When I come back, I will tell you something.” He said as he touched the doorknob, not even looking her way.
“Father is very ill. Can’t you go back to see him?” She said in a hurry.
Shen Hanyu stopped his pace and turned around in surprise.
Tianqing has always been sensitive. She immediately noticed that something’s wrong. “Aren’t you receiving my letters?”
“Letter?” He was stunned.
“I wrote you a lot of letters. Mother sent them for me. Haven’t you received any of them?”
He was silent.
“I’m… too busy to read it. I don’t know where I’ve put it.”
“You… lost my letters?”
He stiffly paused, took Li Xinping’s hand, and walked out the door.
Shen Tianqing watched his retreating back blankly. Without moving. Without any expression.
“Hey…” Qi Guanyan could not bear it. He wanted to give her a few words of comfort, but she said nothing and turned back into the room silently.
She stood in front of the bookshelf, stroking each book with her fingertips. In the past, she has always liked to read her brother’s books. When it comes to things that she does not understand, she feels that her brother is so powerful and amazing.
At that time, she already felt that her god-like brother stood in such a high and lofty place that she had to look up in order to see him. Now, he has walked farther and farther, her little steps could no longer catch up with him anymore.
She bit her lips, her tears have run dry.
Is he still the gege that she knew?
Her brother always regarded her as the most important and will never leave her behind. Her brother even handed his love letters to her, and did not hold other girls. Her brother spoils her very much and never forgets her birthday. He even vowed.
She came especially her, just wanting to spend the day peacefully with him.
She has been waiting for him to say, like in those previous years when they were still together, “Happy birthday…”
However, she could not wait anymore.
After writing a short letter, she did not say goodbye and left quietly. When she came, she did not let him know. And she didn’t, when she left.
However, when she arrived at the train station, she deliberately bought the last schedule, stood alone in the corner, holding the last glimmer of hope, and paid attention to the surge of crowd.
She still held on to that feeling that he will come…
Time passed. A minute, an hour, one train went one after the other until her scheduled one arrived. After eleven o’clock, if she missed this train, she can only sleep on the streets tonight.
She sighed, and with heavy steps she went inside, but not without looking back. It’s just that in the end, she still didn’t see him.
***
“Wow, Shen Hanyu! Did you fall into a puddle?” Qi Guangyan said in surprise when he saw his roommate entering the door.
He is completely soaked. Didn’t they stroll under an umbrella? How can it be as if he’s been dug out of a puddle?
He noticed the unopened umbrella and then looked up at Hanyu. “You didn’t even use the umbrella. Are you crazy?
Shen Hanyu didn’t say anything and went straight into the room. Qi Guangyan followed, leaned against the door and yelled lazily, “Hey!”
“Don’t bother me!” Without turning his head, Shen Hanyu buried his face in his palms. One second, two, three seconds, he raised his head. “Where is my sister?”
Finally, you remembered you have a sister? I thought you were so knocked out of love and you forgot you have one.”
“Where the hell has my sister gone?”
“You told me not to bother you…” He said with a lame tone, deliberately trying to whet his appetite.
If Qi Guangyan had the heart to test his patience, he would be disappointed. Hanyu grabbed him by his collar, gritted his teeth and roared, “I’ll ask you again, where is my sister?!”
“She went back! She asked me to hand this over to you.” Qi Guanyan slapped his hand away angrily.
He opened the paper card. A few simple words written in it:
Gege,
I’m going back. I’m not dense. I have spent all waking moments with you. I won’t fail to understand what you mean. From the moment I met you again, you have been trying to hint that the past will not come back. It’s black and white. What you want and what you don’t.
To be honest, ge, you don’t need to be like this. I told you that I would always listen to our words. I will do whatever you want. So I will back and wait for you quietly, until you no longer feel that I am a burden.
I know that people cannot never grow up. Many things will change whether we like it or not. But some things will never change, such as the taste of this starfruit.
Qing
He looked at the half-ripe starfruit in his hand, a small part of he accidentally crushed. According to experience, eating the starfruit she has picked for many years, this will definitely sour. But in its sourness, comes a tinge of sweetness.
Mist filled his eyes. The phrase ‘…the taste of this starfruit.” embodied everything that she meant.
She knew that he understood, so he wrote this sentence to replace everything that could not be said.
The past like a slideshow flashed though his mind quickly. About the two of them; laughing, crying, memories never fading…
What did he do? He had taken care of this girl wholeheartedly. He used to be so afraid of her being said. But now he pushed her away with his own hands, leaving her helpless.
Qi Guangyan studied his expression and muttered to himself, “I really don’t understand you. You obviously care about your sister but why did you treat her like you can’t wait to drive her away?”
Shen Hanyu squeezed the letter in his hand, unable to think of anything more. He turned around and rushed out impulsively.
He is going after her! If he catches her, he will desperately keep her!
Jumping into the motorcycle, he soared all the way as the rain become heavier. It fell into his eyes and blurred his vision. He tasted the salty rain flowing down.
Qi Guangyan was wrong. He was not crazy that’s why he did not use his umbrella. He just could not understand why his face has become numb of the rain.
As he choked, he pressed on the accelerator tighter and rushed though the roads of Greater Taipei. He could no longer see the traffic signs, but it doesn’t matter. As long as he can catch her.
The dazzling headlights suddenly hit his face. He had not time to react. A sharp pain struck him. He only heard a deafening crash, and at the same time shook his hearing and vision—
However, in the sliver of his remaining consciousness, he firmly grasped the card she left behind.
Qing… Do you know… my heart has never changed.
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Notes:
[1] 兄台 (xiongtai) a polite way of saying brother to same-aged friend
[2] 小妹 (xiaomei) little sister
[3] 可以记到海枯石烂 (keyi jidao haikushilan) an idiom of unchanging fidelity basically Qi Guangyan is flirting
[4] 沉大帅哥 Guangyan’s words here are Shen shuaige
[5] 黃(huang) is a slang for something with sexual connotation
[6] 心苹 (xinping) her characters literally mean heart apple
[7] 卤味 (lo mei) Cantonese name given to dishes made by braising in a sauce known as a master stock or lou sauce. The dish is known as lu wei in Taiwan. Lou mei can be made from meat, offal, and other off cuts.
[8] 人不独亲其亲、不独子其子的道理吧 (Ren budu qin qi qin, bu duzi qi zi dao li ba) It’s just a saying that people should have a sense of fraternity.
[9] 学长 (xue zhang)
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T/N:
I don’t know if any of you guys reading here have read some spoilers or have gone through the raws why Hanyu is acting that way, why he left, and everything that happened when he left when Tianqing was away. But my heart hurts while translating these again. I can never not feel anything about this story. Even though I have read this for a quite a few times every time I wanted to feel something, it is always effective in making me feel human again haha. I’m praying real hard to finish this quickly.
Also, please know that I am alone in this site. I lack a proofreader and should have many typographical errors. So please let me know if you find any errs. I am also translating this together with Ye Ningxi and Shattered Glass so hell with my heart and brain cells.
Kaye's Ugly Translations 