When she heard Jiang Liu that there is a eunuch in the courtyard with a message from the Emperor, Mei Li became instinctively afraid. Could it be that his majesty has regretted his decision and wanted to imprison her again?
The eunuch outside the door urged her impatiently., “Princess Mei Li, quickly accept the decree!”
Only then did Mei Li slowly unclenched her hands and went outside. Fortunately, it was just an imperial decree[1]. She knelt down respectfully and lowered her gaze. Even if it was the imperial decree asking her to go back the cold palace, can she even avoid it? Regardless whether it is good or bad, she has no right to choose. All she can do is prostrate and listen.
But the decree is very simple. She must accompany the Empress Dowager and the Empress to the meadows in the west to watch the hunt. As Mei Li raised her hands up high and received the will, the eunuch also said that she should rest well. But she knows that these are just words— as this is the holy will which holds the imperial might. Whether you live or die, it doesn’t care about anyone’s feelings— you just have to fulfill it.
After the eunuch left, Uncle Hai became very happy saying that these are all blessings from her ancestors and he would rush to the tailor to have them prepare her good hunting clothes.
Spring Hunt is coming. And this is an outskirt event meaning to showcase excellent people. But over the years, the hunting and siege activities often disguise the blind dates of noble men and women as those who have been unable to meet are all gathered in this grand occasion. Even families’ fujin[2] and wangfei[3] naturally kept their eyes open on whose young master[4] has excellent looks and exceptional martial arts[5], so that they could matchmake them with their daughters.
Of course, unmarried women such as Princesses[6], and young ladies[7] are even more excited to partake. Just seeing so many handsome men competing in horseback together is worth many many sleepless nights.
Mei Li was also once like this. Crazy excited, as she looked forward to Spring Hunt.
Back then, in order to attract his attention, she even personally went to her uncle’s[8] house to ask silver[9] and he sent Uncle Hai to go to the tailor and make her an extravagant hunting suit. And when she arrived in the meadows, she deliberately caused some trouble hoping that he would come and deal with it— even if she’ll get an earful from him, at least he could see how she carefully dressed just for him. Only then, her luxurious dress had suffered complaints and raised so many eyebrows.
But she has no mother, not even a momo[10]. All her efforts have all been completely from herself. These words all pierced her ears.
Now, her feelings have been all exhausted in the cold palace— that when she remembers her obsession with Jingxuan back then, she is reminded of her worldliness.
Does she really love him?
Yes, she loves his incomparable beauty, his prestigious status— that if she married him, she will no longer be embarrassed.
But is this love?
If he doesn’t have that beautiful face, that cold and domineering noble aura, will she love him just with his heart? His heart— has she ever found her way into it? Has he ever opened it for her?
Everything may just be a little girl’s shallow understanding and yearning. At that time, what did she really know about love?
Two years ago, she thought she is smart and sophisticated— it’s ridiculous. She thought that marrying Jingxuan would make her safe and stable— that she would no longer looked down upon. She just didn’t consider if Jingxuan even wanted to marry her.
At the beginning, she was sad and desperate. Even if he didn’t want to marry her, at least he wouldn’t make it difficult for her, right? The Empress Dowager even stood up to protect her. But he still refused to forgive her and even encouraged the Emperor to put more weight on her punishments— causing her to be trapped inside the cold palace comparable to prison for three years.
Later, she didn’t blame him. Because if he didn’t do this, he is then forced to take responsibility of her by being the one to teach her of values and propriety. Because of her crimes, he was the one forced into this big responsibility by marrying her. But he… first of all, must protect himself. So he did what he did.
Every time she questions herself, what did she mean to him?
A stumbling block!
If only nothing happened to her Chengyi-gege, he will be like Jingxuan. He is someone who is supposed to marry a powerful Mongolian princess.
But what about her? What does a Mei Li have in her name? Her Princess status is an empty title. Both of her parents have died, she could not even produce her own dowry. Only the Empress Dowager takes pity on her hopin she could get married— only Jingxuan, the Emperor’s cousin, doesn’t like her.
A man can like a woman to the point of his life— but Chengyi sinned. What happened in the end? The Qing Dynasty started a war with the Dzungar. Her Zi Qing jiejie died. The prince who had a bright future was reduced into a sinner and was sentenced to guard the tomb of the Taizong Emperor[11]. Just like her, he is locked up.
All of Jingxuan’s stumbling have long been broken.
The girls who could not sleep tonight yearning to see their beloved didn’t know that their fates are not in the hands of the matchmakers. It’s not even in the hands of the Grand Empress Dowager[12]. Every marriage are political and will be in the hands of power and situation— whose father has a high status — whose father the Emperor heavily relies on. Look, the brightest man on the meadow will belong to her. Not just the men, the powerful will take everything.
All the men in the meadow are born with riches and honor. If they want women, how easy can it be? They look at the women in the meadows like items in the foodstalls. The check family name, their background. They chose not a wife, but a backer— a pillar of support.
The Grand Empress Dowager has always had a soft spot for Mei Li. Through the years, she has felt more and more deeply. Compared with the sadness on the Vanity Fair, who knows more about her? Although her appearance tomorrow is nothing more than for laughs, the old woman still wants her to go. At least it makes her feel as if there is someone supporting her.
The truth is, she does not want to go. She is afraid of facing the mocking and sarcastic eyes of people. She just wants to curl up in her little nest like a mouse letting the wind and rain fall outside. But she cannot just brush the kindness of Grand Queen Dowager. She should give her some face.
The imperial night… she already knew too deeply.
Me Li silently sat in the chair while holding the imperial decree for a long time until she was awakened by Uncle Hai’s arm greeting having an old momo in tow. Only distinguished guest[13] can enjoy such preferential treatment.
The old momo looked at her from the open window with a smile on her face. She was a little fat and kind-looking. When she stood up, the two came in. While opening the package, Uncle Hai introduced her as Wu momo who was sent by Ruoyu to deliver clothes. The package contained a simple but elegant sapphire blue hunting suit.
After standing in ceremony, Wu momo smiled at her enthusiastically and said, “Our fujin knew that you would also go to the meadows tomorrow, so she sent this old slave[14] to help assist you dress up.
Mei Li understood why Uncle Hai treated Wu momo kindly— because he was grateful. And so is she.
Although the young Jiang Liu is ingenious and clever, seeing that Wu momo is expert in coming hair, she quickly knelt down and ask for advice. Mei Li also willingly sat in front of the mirror, letting the old and the young women toss her hair around.
From the mirror, she could not see what the did at the back of her head. It was a little boring but she enjoyed the warmth of having company. Compared to the indifference she had always experienced, she is now very happy.
When the night came, she still found it hard to sleep. It was not the old excitement she used to feel. The truth is, although she told the Grand Empress Dowager that she was okay, the anxiety caused by the violent fire in the Anning Hall is still in her spirit. The kind of despair she felt when she realized she is trapped in the sea of fire the moment she opened her eyes. She shouted so loud but no one came to rescue her and it took a while before the fire was finally extinguished. After this incident, she is always finds it hard to sleep.
Fortunately, Jiang Liu and Wu momo woke her up early. They seem seem to be more excited that her as they drag her out of the bed before dawn. Wu momo rummaged the jewelry box, unable to decide which one to put on her.
“Princess, you better chose.”
Mei Li took the jewelry box she used to own two years ago containing all the gems and ornaments she had painstakingly collected. Looking at it now, it seems so… vulgar!
When she was young, Mei Li thought that as long as the jewelry was big and heavy enough, people could already see her identity and wealth. She picked up a rough ruby head buckle which reminded her of a depressed landlord wiping lard on his mouth to pretend he can still eat meat everyday. She smiled and dialed in the box. No wonder Wu momo could not choose. The set of jewelries given by the Grand Empress Dowager is very good— but it is jade and does not match her sapphire blue clothes.
“Jiang Liu, go to the yard and pick a light-colored flower and put it on me?” She ordered.
“Princess! Honored imperial and state princesses[15] will take part in the hunting. If you only wear flowers, people will laugh!” Jiang Liu frowned.
Mei Li smiled. If she wears such a tacky jewelry, people will laugh. But she knows that if she has put on the most beautiful adornment in the world, they would do just the same. Just because she is Princess Mei Li.
Fortunately, Madam Wu who is knowledgeable gave Jiang Liu a wink and urged, “Go on! Pick a red flower, the lighter the better.”
Mei Li smiled.
Uncle Hai brushed the horse Mei Li is supposed to mount in the front yard with great concern. Mei Li stopped on the stone steps and said, “Uncle Hai, I… I’d better take the carriage.”
Uncle Hai nodded repeatedly and called for someone to prepare for the carriage. Although it was strange to take part in the hunting with a carriage, Princess had an accident with a horse before. Although she did not mention that she did not want to ride a horse anymore, he was already worried about another mistake.
Before she set out, a eunuch came to inform her that she did not need to come to the palace and can go to the meadows directly.
The beautiful carriage is slow. When she arrived at the meadows, the other princesses’ fujin had already arrived. From a distance, colorful flags fluttered in the lush meadow. Below them are good-looking men women in their sturdy steeds of different hues.
From time to time, the sound of the big drums scares the animals around causing laughter. It was such a moving hunting scene.
Mei Li looked them for a while until a eunuch led her to the direction of the imperial umbrella.
This kind of grand treatment… she is just an outsider now. Actually… She already does not belong here even before. She just refused to acknowledge it.
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Notes:
[1] 懿旨 (yizhi) – imperial decree
[2] 福晋 (Fujin) – a nobleman’s wife
[3] 王妃 (Wangfei) – a wife of a prince
[4] 少爷 (shaoye) – young master
[5] 神武 (shenwu) has great qualities of a great general
[6] Again, what was used here is the Manchu term for princess 格格 (gege) there are different addresses for unmarried ladies here help
[7] 小姐 (xiaojie) young mistress
[8] 舅舅 (jiujiu) maternal uncle, just reiterating it’s not Uncle Hai but her real relative
[9] 银子 (yinzi) silver money
[10] 嬷嬷 (momo) nanny / mammy
[11] 太宗皇帝 (Taizong huangdi) Kangxi Emperor’s grandfather — Hong Taiji
[12] Xiaozhuang is often referred here as Lao Zuzhong aka the ancestor. This is how Mei Li also calls her. I may have written her as Empress Dowager because technically she still is but to make it correct she is the Grand Queen Dowager, being Kangxi Emperor’s grand mother.
[13] 贵宾 (guibin) VIP
[14] 老奴 (lao nu)
[15] There are two kinds of princesses mentioned here 公主 (gongzhu), and 格格 (gege) – the style of Mei Li. I believe the gege is a notch higher than gongzhu in this era and I categorized them into imperial and state princesses just to differentiate the princess styles.
Kaye's Ugly Translations 