“Qing!” As soon as she returned from school, her meimei’s unreasonable attitude caused Shen Hanyu’s a lot of confusion.
He followed her into the room and saw her brought out a textbook. he asked concernedly, He approached with concern and asked, “Are you doing your homework? Do you want me to teach you?”
“No, I can write myself. Go away!”
Shen Hanyu was taken aback. This is the first time that she ever drove him away. She has always been so clingy with him and has never been indifferent before.
What the hell happened to her today?
“Qing-“
“I’m busy, okay?” She held her textbook up and covered her little face.
“But-“
“Don’t bother me!”
“I wanted to say something—“
“You’re so annoying. Can’t you see I’m studying?” She shouted as she put her textbook down.
Hanyu sighed.” I just want to remind you that you’ve been reading your book upside down.
She looked down, embarrassed. Her cheeks bulged in her silence.
It was so cute it made Shen Hanyu laugh.
Actually, whenever Qing is angry, her cheeks will flush red, like a red apple, enough to make people want to bite it.
“Smile! He jests.
In a fit of anger, Qing threw the textbook on Hanyu with tears in her red-rimmed eyes.
After this, Shen Hanyu couldn’t laugh anymore and asked in horror, “What’s the matter? Why are you crying?”
“Why should I tell you? Go away!” She pushed off Hanyu’s hand as she sulked.
Shen Hanyu stared at his hand hand frozen mid-air, unable to react for a moment. It seems that she really is in a bad mood.
Having that good temper, Hanyu just nodded and acquiesced. “Alright. I’ll let you read your book. I won’t be disturbing you.”
Qing picked her textbook up as she watched her brother’s retreating back in a daze. Her pride couldn’t let her call him again so she just slammed her hand on her schoolbag, full of annoyance.
“Stupid! Shen Hanyu, you big fool—”
This mood lasted until dinner that even their parents noticed that something was wrong between them.
The usually talkative Tianqing is so silent her tongue got stolen by a cat.
“Xiao Qing, do you feel unwell?” Her father asked with concern.
“No.” She just buried her head while eating up the rice. It was obvious that she felt the concern in her father’s words but still refused to talk about whatever happened to her.
“Here’s your favorite shiztou —” Shen Hanyu gave her a few servings— done like a habit.
“I can get it myself!” She didn’t look at it and moved her bowl.
Hanyu’s outstretched chopsticks stopped mid-air, embarrassed.
“Xiao Qing, how can you talk to your brother like this?” Her mother raised her voice as she scolded her.
“Mom, it’s okay—” Shen Hanyu laughed lightly, trying to ease the atmosphere.
“It’s not!” Xiao Qing, apologize to your brother.”
“I don’t want!” She shot back angrily.
“I said… you apologize, Shen Tianqing!”
“Mom, it’s really okay—”
“Shen Hanyu, you don’t need to so kind.” Tianqing said sarcastically.
“What did you call your brother?” Their mom is more incensed with Tianqing’s words, “No matter how old you are, he will always be your older brother! Don’t be too willful Tianqing. When your brother was your age, he is a hundred times more sensible than you!”
“Xiao Qing, you apologize. This time, you are really wrong.” Even their father, who has always been reticent has spoken up.
Unreconciled, Tianqing put down her bowl and chopsticks. “I know that gege is always right and is good at everything. It’s only me who is the blacksheep of this family. My instructor is right about me. I only keep on losing face for the family. You don’t need to keep reminding me.
“What we’re saying is that you should take after your brother who—”
With that, Tianqing stood up, pushed away her chair, turned around and ran out.
The three at the dinner table were left at a loss.
Their mother frowned “What was wrong with that girl?”
Shen Hanyu pursed his lips and remained silent. He looked at the direction where Tianqing ran and furrowed his eyebrows.
Did something hurt her self esteem?
Tianqing is a girl who is always cheerful, free and easy-going. Did something happen to cause her pressure and hurt her?
“Did you quarrel?” Their father asked with concern. Even though he was slow in picking up nuances, this time he saw that something’s wrong between his children.
Because something is really strange today. They always thought that the relationship between the siblings are so good to the point that it made children in the other families jealous. Turns out they have troubled times, too?
“No, father.” Don’t worry, I’ll deal with it.”
“It’s because you indulge her too much that she became this spoiled.” Their mother said as she sighed. “Soon enough she will become rebellious.
He then looked at the empty seat beside him, and the rice bowls on the table knowing that can’t continue eating. He whispered assuringly “Qing won’t.”
He knew she wouldn’t— because he knew her better than he even knew himself.
***
“Miss, are you alone? Would you like to accompany me for a cup of tea?” Hanyu said as he leaned against the big tree trunk.
As expected, up high in between the branches where the leaves were sparse, Tianqing’s petite body is curled up in it.
Hanyu usually doesn’t behave like this. He used playful tone like some punk trying to court trouble. In the past, she would have been amused with this antics. But now, she is not in the mood to fool around with him.
“What are you doing here!” She glared at him.
I’m going to hide in another place next time! She secretly told herself.
“Why do you even inconvenience yourself? I’m okay.”
“You will never be an inconvenience.” He replied warmly, unaffected by her bad temper. “If you won’t come down, I will just climb up there with you.
“Don’t climb up!” She shouted nervously with a hint of care.
Hanuyu raised his eyebrows and smiled lightly. He knew that no fuming she is, she still cares about him.
When Tianqing was young, people said that unlike her quiet and sensible brother, she was like a wild monkey, unable to stay put even for a moment.
When she was six years old, she found a new hobby which is climbing trees. But she always cry for help from her gege because she couldn’t get down.
One time while Hanyu is reading under the tree. He didn’t think twice when Tianqing shouted for help. He immediately climbed the tree for the first time in his life to save her.
In the end, Hanyu fell down resulting to a dislocated arm and broken thigh. He need to lie down in bed for two months to actually recover.
For two months, she cried by his bed every day, flooding him with tears, as she swore to never climb trees again.
However, it turned out that Tianqing is the kind of person who would forget the old pain without new injuries. The moment Hanyu recovered and finally walked again, the little girl has completely forgotten her promise.
So Hanyu, being the understanding brother weaved excuses for her. “Er— gege wants to eat star fruit. Can Qing pick some for me?”
Knowing that her brother needed him for something, Qing smiled very happily. But she was still very young, she couldn’t tell which are the ripe fruits and picked sour ones. But Hanyu still ate it all and forced himself to smile.
At that moment, he first understood what phrase “the evil that we bring in ourselves are the hardest to bear” means
Seeing the slight smile at the corners of her brother’s mouth, Shen Tianqing felt like a mouse teased by the cat, and angrily withdrew her foot that was about to go down.” Why should I listen to you? I won’t go down!”
He nodded his head to show that he understood. Without saying anything more, he just rolled up his sleeves and started climbing up—
“Hey, hey!” She is anxious cried. “I said don’t come up!”
“Then, you come down.” Anyway, he knows that there’s no other end in this discussion. It’s either that she comes down or he climbs up
Shen Tianqing held on her pride as she tries to find other reasons. But right now, she is unable to advance and nor retreat.
“You’d better make a decision quickly. If I’m not mistaken, at two o’clock on your left, there is a small bug heading toward you at a speed of 0.1 kilometer per hour—”
The details of his fib has not been uttered yet, but she already stepped into the air in shock and performed a free fall experiment on the spot— once again experiencing gravity.
Shen Hanyu reacted quickly and saved the falling beauty.
From there, he realized that what he see in the movies weren’t real. Behind this supposedly graceful scene, the heroine who falls from the top, under the acceleration of gravity— the hero can only be crushed.
Maybe in a few years, he might be able to catch her, that way but now he’s sorry, he is not so brave yet.
Unable to bear her weight, they fell very awkwardly.
“Hsss–” He took a deep breath, his hands were pressed under her, and the skin tingling faintly because it was scraped. But at least she’s not hurt.
He thought he should be telling the scriptwriters that this is what will really happen when you catch someone falling.
“Sorry, my ability is limited.” He laughed dryly and dusted the grasses off her hair.
Tianqing pushed him away awkwardly and sat up turning her back on him.
Hanyu noticed the star fruit on her hand. He took it, wiped it twice on his clothes casually, and ate it.
She quickly reached out. “Don’t eat! That’s not ripe!”
He smiled and stared at her with fondness. “It doesn’t matter.” Because she the one who picked it, just like when they were kids, he will eat it no matter how sour it was.
“You, don’t think too much, okay? I don’t care about you. I just don’t want you to have an upset stomach because I will only be blamed.” She said, aggrieved.
He stopped laughing.” Does it bother you?”
“What?” She buried her face on her knees, and her voice sullen.
“My existence.” He added softly. “Having such a brother makes you very stressed, doesn’t it?”
Her eyes widened as she raised her head.
Qing’s eyes are very beautiful, like two stars in a summer night— very bright and beautiful.
“I’m sorry. It’s gege’s fault. I didn’t notice your mood.” He stroked her short hair that hung right above her shoulders shoulders and asked, “Qin, what do you want me to do?” How do I make up to you?”
“Do you think I’m jealous of you?” She shouted and jumped up in humiliation.
“I didn’t mean it that way—”
What went wrong again? He thought. Did he say the wrong words? Why is she acting like this again?
She was so angry that she waved his soothing hand away. “Shen Hanyu, you are the invincible idiot of the universe! I hate you!”
Shen Hanyu was dumbfounded. He just stared at her retreating figure, unable to recover.
He couldn’t understand what really was wrong.
He was so lost in thought and realized for the first time that his sister’s heart was really difficult to understand.
This caused him so much anxiety and that night he stayed up all night thinking.
After tossing and turning in bed all night, his drowsiness just lingered. He opened his eyes and sighed as he stared at the empty bed on the other side of the room.
When they were little, his family was not well-off that he and Qing shared a room and was squeezed in one wooden bed together. On cold winter nights, Qing’s small body is his source of warmth.
Later, their living conditions improved and their parents realized that they are at the age not suitable to sleep together. After considering it, they renovated and expanded the house letting them have their own rooms.
But Qing is not used to it. Every night, she always knocks on his door with a pillow, saying, “I’m used to my gege being around all the time. I thought gege has gone missing and I was the only one left. I was so afraid!”
In this way, their parents had no choice but to let her stay for nearly a year. After she moved up to another grade level, she slowly accepted the fact that she had to sleep alone. She then no longer came to him with a pillow in her arms.
However, occasionally on a whim, she would still appear at his door with a sweet smile asking him, “Gege, how about sleeping with you tonight?”
Thinking about the last time her moods were so bad like this, it was when Tianqing was 13 years old. She got her first period. She became so awkward and stopped clinging on him.
Back then, he hadn’t understood what happened and thought he had offended her. It took him a long time to realize that the little girl he saw grow up just finally became a lady. At that time, every time she sees him, she would be so embarrassed she just runs away as if she could not face him.
But what about now? It’s not menopause, is it? His meimei is only fifteen years old!
He just laughed at his ridiculous thoughts. Hanyu thought that if this continues sooner or later he will be insane!
He lifted his quilt and jumped out of bed and went to the next room. He knocked twice saying, “Sister, are you asleep?”
There was no response.
He opened her door to check on her.
Then he looked at her bedside table. The dinner he left for her to eat was finished. He took out plates and gently closed the door.
While cleaning the dishes, their father who was getting some water approached him.
“Is Xiao Qing already asleep?”
“Yes.”
“Your bond with your sister is very deep, right??”
The hand washing the dishes paused. “Uh-huh.”
“From an early age, that girl has not bothered anyone except you. Every time she cries, only you can coax her. She always only listens to you. When she is wronged, she will only ask for you and cry for your name. I can see that she is very dependent on you and values you far more than anyone else.”
“Father?” He gave his father a strange look. He couldn’t understand why he suddenly is talking like this.
“Nothing, I just want you to remember that she is your only sister. You are the most important person in her world, and you are responsible for her.”
“I know.”
“Then I want you to assure me that you will not leave her alone in this life. You must protect her and take care of her at all times.”
Realizing that his father’s words were serious, he became cautious and replied from the bottom of his heart, “I will, father.”
“Okay, I’ll leave Xiaoqing to your care. Don’t let father down.”
Shen Hanyu turned off the faucet and turned back in confusion.
Is this… entrustment?
The knowledge about Qing’s birth is an open secret between him and his sister. Nobody has ever talked about this issue seriously. But for him, whether they had no blood relation or not, she will always be his most beloved sister. Whatever truth will not affect her position in their family and in his heart.
But he wonders what about their father? He didn’t know if he their father realized that they already knew the truth that he even needed to entrust her life to him.
Why is everyone weird these days?
Qing,
Wait for me after class. I’ll pick you up. I have something to talk about.
Your Brother
Last night, he left a note for her. Hanyu woke very early and went to her room. When he saw that the paper was a bit crumpled, he knew she had seen it.
After class, he went to her school, which was also his alma mater where graduated three years ago. He waited for a long time but she never came.
Seeing that the place is almost deserted, he began to worry if something happened to her or she was punished to stay in classroom?
Later, several young girls called him. They all claimed to be Qing’s classmate, pestering him to talk to them.
When he was still studying in this school, Shen Hanyu was a popular figure in this school because of his perfect school records. Everyone said that he is perfect in all aspects. His morality, intelligence, physical beauty and talents made sure he never missed going up the stage every recognition day.
Until now, three years later, many teachers would still tell their students that there’s this one boy— Shen Hanyu who was a campus genius. That when Qing just entered the school, she became famous after being tagged as the Shen Hanyu’s meimei.
Three years ago, Shen Hanyu topped the municipal high school entrance exam. It gave this little middle school a lot of pride for managing to send a genius as the county’s top.
No wonder up until today, the name “Shen Hanyu” is still loud on this campus.
Many people are still surprised whenever they find out that he is related to Shen Tianqing saying, ”What? You are really Shen Tianqing’s brother. You two are very different from each other…” or something on this note.
He was worried that these words might hurt her.
After learning that Tianqing already left, Hanyu also rushed back home as he had no intention of keeping these dreamy girls company. He grabbed some letters that they are giving him and fled.
Sure enough, when he arrived, Qing is already there — reading some English texts..
“Hanyu, why are you so late today? Didn’t you say you say that you will pick up Xiao Qing? Xiao Qing came back early.”
He turned his head and met Qing’s eyes as he said. “Er… I got caught up with something with my teacher. I was afraid that Qing would wait too long so I told her to come back first.”
“Really?” Their mother perfunctorily said before she went back to the kitchen.
After their mother was out of sight, he came to Tianqing and asked softly, “Why didn’t you wait for me?”
“I never agreed in the first place.”
“Qing, raise your head. Let’s talk.”
“I have English test tomorrow.” She still stubbornly locked her gaze on her textbook, not sparing her brother a glance.
“When did you become this hardworking that you don’t even have time to talk to me?”
“Right now.”
Shen Hanyu sighed. “Raise your head and say your grievances in front of me. I don’t want us to have this naive cold war.”
“No.”
“I said raise my head!” His slightly raised voice caught their father’s attention who was reading the newspaper not far away.
“What’s the matter, Hanyu?”
“I’m sorry, Dad, we’re fine.” He reached out, pulled Tianqing into the room and closed the door. “What’s going on with you these past few days? I know that you don’t make trouble so unreasonably— so tell me, what’s the matter?”
Words came hanging at Shen Tianqing’s lips. But in the end, she couldn’t cough up her words. She just raised her eyes a little and looked at something in Hanyu’s hands— it’s a fragrant letter. Tianqing just bit her lips and said nothing.
Hanyu noticed where lifted her gaze, he raised the letter and said “Also, what’s the matter with this letter? Your classmates said that I have so many letters, but I did not see half of them. I tell them to save you face, but I think you owe me an explanation.”
“Do you care? There are so many girls who admire you and write you love letters. This satisfies your vanity, right?”
Tianqing felt hurt thinking that her brother valued the love letters from those unknown girls more than her. She felt a misery in her heart as if there are countless small needles piercing it.
“That’s beside the point. Those were my letters. Your classmates gave them to you for me so you have an obligation to inform me about it. It’s my business if I care or not.”
“Well, I admit that I hid the letter, so what?”
“Give it to me!”
“No.”
“I said give it to me!”
“No, no, no!” She responded strongly and stared at him fearlessly.
“Shen Tianqing, don’t make me angry.”
“Your anger is useless. I already tore, burned all those letters. You won’t find them anymore. It’s a pity, you can’t read them. They even contain flowers inside — it’s all so beautiful. I know you’re scolding me because those letters are more important than me. You are angry because that’s the case…”
Shen Hanyu frowned.” What are you talking about? That’s not the case! You can just tell your classmates if you don’t want to accept the letters. But you lead them to believe that you will give their letters, but you didn’t. That’s not a proper behavior. Aren’t you always my honest meimei?”
Aggrieved tears condensed in her eyes. She stormed out of the door angrily. After a while, she reappeared and threw the entire stack of letters on him.
“Take it, keep it if you like it! But don’t ever look at me like I have a huge debt I owe you. I don’t care anymore!”
Shen Hanyu was stunned as the letters dramatically fell like snowflakes over him. When he looked up again, she’s already gone.
That night, Tianqing didn’t come out for dinner. Their mother went into the room but she only said that he has no appetite and didn’t want to eat.
Their mom knew that they were fighting so she came to Hanyu and advised him a few words. “You already know what kind of temperament Qing. As an elder brother, you should just let her be. Talking to her will only worsen the situation”
“Mother?!” He was speechless.
Their mother smiled. “You know that she takes everything you say literally. If you don’t forgive her, she might really starve herself to death.”
He wondered, isn’t Qing mad at him? Why is his mother’s words mean like he was the one being mad in the first place?
But he complied. Later, hen Hanyu took some of Qing’s favorite food into her room. When he entered, it was dark inside.
He turned on the lights and found that she was lying in bed. She quickly turned her back at him and pulled the quilt to the top of her head, ignoring him.
He put her dinner on the table and sat down by the bed. “Are you still unhappy about what I said?”
“…” There’s only silence.
Hanyu asked again, “Are you really this angry with me that you are going on hunger strike?”
“…”
“Don’t be like this, Qing. Turn around and face me.” He took off the quilt, pulled her body, and found that her face was full of tears and the pillow was wet.
He was shocked. “Tianqing, you–“
“I’m sorry! I didn’t know those letters are so important to you. I will never hide your letters again in the future. Gege, don’t be angry anymore. Please don’t hate me…”
What is happening?
She suddenly hugged Hanyu and cried messily on his chest.
“Xiao Qing…”
“I’m just afraid… I’m afraid that you’ll look for me anymore, and then… you don’t love me nor care about me anymore… I didn’t mean to make you angry.” She cried.
“I know that this is wrong… but… but… I really don’t know that this will make you hate me even more…”
Hanyu couldn’t believe what he heard. So she’s just being like this and hid his letters because she’s afraid that his treatment to her would change?
He reproached her to teach her a good lesson. But he didn’t realize that her meimei is still very young and has delicate feelings.
“Don’t cry. I’m not angry.” He patted her back gently.
“Liar. You are so angry with me.” She sobbed.
“My voice is just loud.”
“You said I made trouble without reason..”
“That’s not what I said! If I’m lying then I would be struck by lightning.”
“You hate me.”
“Nonsense. In my life, that’s the most impossible thing.”
Tianqing stopped crying and asked, “Really?”
With a cautious face, he swore, “If I’m lying, then I swear you will not be able to get married.”
“Why am I the one at stake when you’re the one taking an oath?!” She protested
“Is that really case? Look here, if you can’t get married, then I’ll be raising you forever. Who do you think is the one more at a disadvantage here?”
“You will really raise me?!”
“Of course!” Hanyu has successfully made her stop crying. He then took a piece of paper to pinch her nose. “You are my sister. If I don’t support you, then who will? Blow your nose.”
“I’m already fifteen years old. Don’t act as if I’m still a child.” But after complaining, she still obediently did what was told.
“In my eyes, you will always be the little girl who’s always crying while following me around.” He folded the tissue paper in half. “One more time.”
After blowing her nose dry, she asked, “I’m good at eating and will make you poor. And in the future, when you’re the one who gets married, you still have to support your wife and children. Can you still afford to include me?”
Hanyu shrugged his shoulders and threw the freshly baked wonton into the garbage can.
“Then I won’t get married.I’ll just focus on raising you.” He brought the rice bowl from the table and stuffed it into her hands. “Alright, then let me see how good of an eater are you.”
“Well, then I won’t marry, too. I’ll always be with gege.” She announced happily.
He hummed in agreement and laughed. “You only say that now. I’m afraid that in the future, when you see a handsome boy, you will run away with him.”
“No! No one is more handsome than gege.” Qing said thinking— since no one is better than her brother, who will she marry?
“Well, now. Do you want to tell your handsome brother why you’re ignoring him these past few days?”
She just started eating mouthful of green pepper got stuck in her mouth with the question.
Hanyu stared at her in silence. He then asked softly, “Qing, didn’t we say there should be no secrets between us? When you were a child, you would tell gege anything. And I like the Xiao Qing who relies on me and talk about random things. It’s as if you suddenly turned into a stranger.”
“You haven’t told me anything yourself!” She replied softly but he managed to hear it.
“What do you mean?”
“Why didn’t you tell me about the entrance examination you’ll be taking?”
He was slightly stunned. “I…”
“If you don’t want me find out that you want to study in Taipei and live there alone, then do a good job in not letting me know!”
“I’m not…”
For a while, he didn’t know what to say. So, there’s more to it why she’s acting weird these days?
It turns out, Qing is not deliberately going against him. But she is just protesting way to express her sadness and fear of being abandoned…
Actually, Hanyu didn’t mean to hide it from Qing. But he just knew her too well that when she finds out— she would be sad.
Whenever there is a chance to open up to her about him studying in a big university, he just couldn’t say anything. He even resorted into thinking whether to give up Taipei and choose a small school in the South just because he couldn’t find a chance and reason to tell her.
Since childhood, she has been always at a place where he can see her. They have never been separated in time and distance. In truth, Hanyu is afraid if Qing gets into trouble again without him.
What if she wakes up in the middle of the night and can’t find him… what should he do?
He always thought that they will always be beside each other. But his mother said a few words which made him contemplate, “Which pair of siblings do not separate sooner or later and live their own lives? Maybe you don’t want to leave her now, but you still will in the future. In the end, it’s the same, so what’s the point of prolonging this?”
He remained silent because he couldn’t tell his mother that he actually never thought of leaving Qing. She has always been his entire world. He actually knew that he would be there for her until she grows old. Even until they die.
“Qing. You don’t want me to go to Taipei?” Hanyu asked his sister honestly.
“…” With this upfront question, it would be too selfish to say yes. In fact, she knew better than anyone else that her with his brother’s talents, it would be a waste to keep him in a small town.
It would be unfair to him.
“I just… I don’t want to be separated from gege…” She whispered.
“Then, cheer up. As long as your grades are a little better, I can persuade our parents to let you go to Taipei to study and accompany me?”
“Can it be that way?” She wondered innocently. So as long as she studies hard, she can go to Taipei too?
“That will really depend on your performance. Even public schools are very particular with high grades.”
“Then what if I fail?” She was also not sure about herself. She isn’t the type of person to read and study. Her scores are just over passing. Will it be too late if she starts working hard now?
“Then, I might not go to Taipei. Let’s talk about it when you receive your grades. Then, gege will think about it again, okay?”
“Then, gege you can’t sneak away!”
“I won’t.”
“Don’t let me find you if you do. ”
“I said, I won’t”
“You can’t leave me alone, okay?”
“Are you my mother-in-law? You sound like a little old woman.” He jests.
“Then, say something!”
“Fine. I promise. I won’t sneak away, I won’t hide anything from you. I’ll stay beside you until you get tired or me.”
“Promise?”
Her eyes are his most favorite. They stared at him brightly with such serious gaze. Then he firmly hooked his pinky fingers with her as a reply. He knew in his heart that this is not just a childish gesture, but a promise to be fulfilled in a lifetime.
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T/N: From the previous chapters which were both first person POVs of Tianqing and Hanyu, the 3rd chapter becomes in 3rd person both describing the thoughts and introspections of our main characters. It will be continued until the end of the book. - Kaye
Kaye's Ugly Translations 